It’s a very Greek idea, and a very profound one. Beauty is terror. Whatever we call beautiful, we quiver before it. And what could be more terrifying and beautiful, to souls like the Greeks or our own, than to lose control completely? To throw off the chains of being for an…
Femme Fatale, circa 1974. Pat, Alice and Margo.
oh lawdy what a mess
-the Kickstarter for Warhorse Studios vidya game Kingdom Come uses the word ‘realistic’ maybe a thousand times in reference to its circa-1403 story and promises the ‘ultimate character customization tool ever” & it’s just literally thousands of variations of a white guy
-medievalpoc points out (like they do, with all that sexy historical research) that European history isn’t nearly as uniformly white as we like to pretend & there’s plenty of precedent to include some nonwhite options, particularly in your ULTIMATE CHARACTER CUSTOMIZATION TOOL, if you choose to
-plenty of FLIPPING OUT at medievalpoc, Anita Sarkeesian style, because it simply wouldn’t be ‘realistic’ because ‘historical accuracy’ and STOP CRYING RACISM &c &c &c
-check this out:
(It’s cool, though, the ability to “seduce local women” is built into the game from day 1)
So folks are expressing interest in non-white-guy player options (apparently a lot of folks!!) but Warhorse cannot simply change the story!, and they have to be realistic!. So if you want to play as a woman, you can do so in a side quest (if they hit twice their goal) and if you want to play as a nonwhite person, well, too bad, realism.
So let’s take a look at the story:
The year is 1403, and it is most certainly not the best of times. The old king is dead and his heir is weak. The new king’s brother, hungry for power allies himself with a faction of the nobility that sees this moment as an opportunity for advancement, kidnaps the king, invading the country with an army of his own to plunder this defenseless land. The aristocracy is divided between which side to support. Civil war is coming…
In the midst of this plunder and chaos, a son of a blacksmith will emerge as a hero. His home destroyed and his family murdered by the invading army, he must redeem his failure to protect those he loved and set things right again. Avenging the dead, safeguarding the kingdom’s rightful ruler, and restoring order will prove no small feat for our adventurer.
What, exactly, is realistic about the son of a blacksmith being swept up into tremendous adventure in the 15th-century and rescuing a king? In a realistic story, blacksmith’s sons become blacksmiths, marry, father children, and sometimes starve. Warhorse Studios is fudging historical accuracy, here, to tell an epic story that will please their audience.
So the issue isn’t “historical accuracy” or “realism”*, the issue is who Warhorse Studios considers their audience, and how it’s choosing to please them.**
In conclusion: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
*scare quotes, because they are abstractions and I find folks’ unwillingness to get that, yup, SCARY
**apparently with the least innovative story and setting ever?
- My favorite part of Henry IV, part 2 is when he gets saved by the son of a blacksmith.
- Or is it that he’s overthrown by the son of a blacksmith? Shakespeare’s pretty open world, and I think there are multiple endings.
- The £1,000,000 stretch goal has been reached, which means you will get a dog companion! Don’t you care about doge representation, SJH?
- There are Medievalists and there are hyperconservatives so pantspissingly terrified of the future that they want nothing more than to bury themselves headfirst in the chamberpot of consensus history. I think their stellar eye for accuracy makes it pretty clear which camp Warhorse Studios is in.
- Don’t you want to play Gendry: The Videogame?
- "Dungeons & No Dragons" is… I can’t even be sardonic about that; that is the worst tagline of all fucking time. WHY IN THE NAME OF FUCK WOULD YOU ADVERTISE THAT YOUR GAME HAD ZERO DRAGONS
Gothamist seems to think not just Thelemites but rude Thelemites are responsible, like the kind of Brooklyn Thelemites who don’t even compost right and bring their babies to bars in strollers and go the fuck OFF about do what thou wilt to anyone who so much as side-eyes and go on long rambling diatribes about hip-hop and redheads. The kind who ear-tag their probably-organic locally-sourced goat heads 93. Does this hold water?
Ooooor is it fledgling young-person-social-club Witches of Bushwick? Sure, they’re mostly just hanging out and getting headscratchy write-ups in the NYT, but are they trying to kill two goats with one silver knife by snatching a bit of IRL witch cred and fucking with a vastly superior part of Brooklyn all at once? Who’s to say?
It’s worth noting a goat’s head turned up about 4 years ago in a bag or a wax ball or something. Is it coincidence that four years of unprecedented skyrocketing Brooklyn rents are bookended by goat heads? You decide!
Brooklyn native yours truly goes on the record Girl Scout swearing I didn’t do SHIT!
Also, for my money, it’s a friendly neighborhood Santeria practitioner consulting on viral marketing for a new occult-themed development on Park Place and Bedford Ave. 1-bedrooms starting at $2100, geometric wall-art and wolf skulls pre-installed, shared roof deck. Free silver-plated midi rings with lease signing. Open and shut, people.
Now that that’s been good and solved, let’s check in on everyone’s goatseasons. How are y’all doing in this difficult pre-spring time? Holding together? I hope so. Spring’ll be here before you know it.
toil and TROUBLE TROUBLE TROUBLE,
get outta town
Polish Posters for Jim Jarmusch pictures (from top to bottom)
-Permanent Vacation (1980)
-Stranger Than Paradise (1984)
-Down by Law (1986)
-Mystery Train (1989)
-Night on Earth (1991)
*not everybody can call up their folks for help with sudden crises and witches are their own mafia, you get me?
I don’t normally do this kinda thing but Kayla is rad and so is her mouth so give her money so her mouth can feel better and her general well-being can get radder
HAIR GAME: ELDER LYNCHIAN SOLAR CONSCIOUSNESS